


Nightmares

by JX27



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Light Angst, Nightmare, deals with aftermath of caligari spell, no spellwood here, post CAOS 2nd series, zelda having some blackwood ptsd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-03-13 19:00:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18946924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JX27/pseuds/JX27
Summary: Sabrina has a nightmare and Zelda is there to comfort her, even though she has nightmares of her own.





	1. Chapter 1

“Dance for me, wife!” ―The voice echoed in her mind as she started spinning. Round and round, growing dizzier by the minute. “Oh, the things I will do to you, wife…” Hands gripping her waist stopped her spinning. She felt him everywhere: her waist, her hair, her breast, her ass.  
She couldn’t breathe: he was suffocating her. His weight was too much for her and she couldn’t complain; even though she was screaming at the top of her lung. “Tell me you like this"―it was only then, when commanded, that her voice had an outlet. Breathing inconsistently, she managed to mutter “I like this, husband”. “Tell me you love it”. As much as she tried to stop the words from escaping her mouth, she exclaimed, gasping for air, “I love it husband”. “Beg me for more” No, Zelda, no, don’t beg, you don’t want this; breathe, focus on breathing. Scream of pain, of anger―make sure he knows he’s raping you, breaking your insides, tearing you apart! “I beg of you, husband, please give me more” “Ah, I always knew you were a desperate whore”.

She woke up in horror, breathing heavily, audibly, that last word still resonating in her mind. She looked around: Hilda was sound asleep on the bed beside hers. Good, she thought, no need to explain uncomfortable situations. It must be around three or four in the morning, but Zelda knew she couldn’t possibly go back to sleep. Whiskey it was, then. She put her nightgown and descended the stairs to the kitchen. Making sure she was all by herself, she poured some whiskey into a glass and stared at the distance. However, the tight space of the kitchen was causing her some anxiety, so she decided to go outside, to sit on the stairs of the front door.

Yes, the open space of the night soothed her spirit and her breathing calmed down. It was at this moment of intimacy, as she drank the alcohol in her hand, that she allowed herself to have a space to cry. Silently, tears formed in her eyes and wet her cheeks, and quiet sobs―as quiet as possible, for there was no need to wake anybody up―broke the stillness and peace of the moment.

“Aunt Zee?” The words startled her, and she furiously wiped the tears away. “Sabrina, you scared me”.

“Are you okay?”

No, she wasn’t. But she had to be. For her family. For her coven. For Sabrina. “Yes, my child, I was just…” She hesitated for a moment, not knowing what excuse to give her niece―nothing credible forming in her mind. “I was just… and what are you doing awake at this ungodly hour?” She was sure that changing the subject wouldn’t stop Sabrina from questioning her, but at least it could buy her some time to think of adequate excuses.

Sabrina sat by her side at the stairs as Zelda kept her gaze fixed on the dark horizon, lest Sabrina would notice her wet eyes.

“I… had a nightmare. I came downstairs to get some milk. And I saw the front door was open so I wanted to check if everything was fine”.

Nothing was fine, nothing would ever be, but now Zelda had something else to focus on: “A nightmare? What was it about? You know you can tell me, just like when you were little…” A smiled flashed in both Zelda’s and Sabrina’s faces. “So, come on, tell me, child”. It surely couldn’t be as bad as reliving her own nightmare.

“I dreamed that we didn’t manage to trap Satan in Nick’s body. I dreamed that the Dark Lord won and that he wanted me to be his… _queen _”.__

__

__At the word “queen” Zelda, who was drinking from her whiskey, froze. Her body suddenly paralyzed by the implications of what her niece was telling her. Sabrina, however, did not seem to notice, for she continued with her story:_ _

__

__“He not only wanted me to rule by his side. He wanted everything from me…” Sabrina hesitated to find the right way to express her following sentence: “he wanted me to be his wife―and _everything _that it entailed”.___ _

___ _

___“My child” Zelda managed to mutter, holding out her arms to embrace her niece, as tears filled her eyes again. “My child, that was a bad dream, but that’s all it was. I will _never_ allow anything like that happen to you”. Her voice trembled at that last sentence, but Zelda tried to steady it as she continued: “Nobody will ever hurt you like that. I will simply not allow it”._ _ _

__

__“Thanks, Aunt Zee. I know you won’t”. The outburst of emotion coming from her aunt worried her: it was not usual for her Aunt Zelda, cold, rigid, formal Zelda, to allow her emotions to show. Surely, the recent events must have shaken her, so Sabrina repeated her first question: “Are you okay, Aunt Zee?”_ _

__

__Zelda hesitated, but finally conceded: “No. I am not okay. But I will be. You have nothing to worry about. Now, go to bed and try to get some sleep. You need your rest.” Sabrina wanted to protest, but there was a tone of pleading in her aunt’s voice that made her simply answer: “You know that I am here for you the same way you are here for me, don’t you?”_ _

__

__With a soft smile, Zelda answered: “I know. Now, go to bed”: As Sabrina rose and left, Zelda continued to stare into the darkness, pouring some more whiskey in her glass. Yes, she knew._ _


	2. Wrecking ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sabrina won't stop until her aunt Zelda talks to her.

Breakfast was spent in silence that morning, with the exception of Hilda’s attempts at small talk. Surely, the irritating questions of her sister were an attempt to mask the concern she had for her family. For sleep-deprived Zelda, however, they were just another item in the list of annoying things Hilda had been doing ever since… well, ever since the end of the world. She glanced at Sabrina, who was eating silently, her eyes fixed on her spoon holding some cereal.

“Zelda?”

The question made her come back from her thoughts, something that was happening quite frequently these days.

“Huh?” was all she gave as an answer.

Hilda looked at her with a mix of scolding and pity. “I was saying that, if the High Priestess permits, we could all take the day off”

“The day off?”

“Well, since all of you seem to be abnormally quiet today, I figured we could all take a break from everything that’s happened, and still is happening and―I don’t know, just go get some ice-cream, the four of us, together”.

All the eyes turned to Zelda, who hissed, in disbelief: “Get some ice-cream?! I’m the High Priestess, I have a Church to build, a coven to protect!”

“Well, yes, I know” Hilda started, only to be interrupted by Zelda, who was getting angrier by the minute”

“Do you _really _know, sister?” Zelda knew she was being unfair with good-intentioned Hilda, but anger―cruelty, were emotions she could direct to someone other than herself, and the luxury of having a different target for her rage eclipsed questions of fairness and morality. “Do you _really _know the work it takes to build a church from scratch? Do you know what it takes to find every mention of Lilith in every unholy book of the Church of Night?”____

___“I…”_ _ _

___“No” Zelda didn’t even give Hilda the chance to form a sentence. “No, you don’t, so you can go ahead and go get your ice-cream and relax, but _I _have work to do”. Being a fan of dramatic exists, Zelda got up from the table and left.___ _ _

___ _

___Hilda sighed for she knew the words of her sister were just an act to avoid having to talk about what was troubling her. Something, Hilda suspected, that had to do more with Faustus Blackwood than with matters of theology. Ambrose and Sabrina stared at her in silence, as if waiting for her to do or say something. “Well” she said with a smile, trying to ignore what had just happened. “I suppose we could go for that ice-cream ourselves”._ _ _

___“What’s the matter with Aunt Zelda, auntie?” asked Ambrose with a tone of concern._ _ _

___Hilda didn’t quite know the answer herself, but she tried to give an explanation while her niece and nephew looked at her with interest: “Your aunt―she cares a lot about us. And I think all the stress, the fear of losing you… it was too much for her. I think… I think she proclaimed herself High Priestess to be busy with other things and not have to face the facts”._ _ _

___Sabrina interrupted her aunt, for she knew she could ramble on in that familiar speech for hours: “You keep saying ‘I think’― haven’t you talked to her about it?”_ _ _

___Hilda’s eyes flickered with sadness for a moment as she explained herself: “You know how your aunt Zelda is… She is _private _about what she feels. She has shut down all the attempts I’ve made to reach to her”.___ _ _

___“But she is **hurting**!” shouted Ambrose, a little to loud―everyone held their breath for a moment to verify that Zelda wasn’t coming from upstairs, before they resumed the talk._ _ _

___“Yes, of course she is” Hilda wished she could have a better answer to give them. “but that’s Zelda for you―she will never admit when something is bothering her―will never admit a weakness”._ _ _

___“So… what you are suggesting is that we do nothing” said Sabrina, indignation rising in the pit of her stomach._ _ _

___“It’s not so much that we do _nothing_ ” Hilda tried to soften up the words “as it is that we do what we’ve been doing―treating her normally, as if nothing had happened, but being extra careful not to hurt her more than she already is”._ _ _

__“Well, you were the one suggesting getting ice-cream ten minutes ago―how is that treating her normally? When have we ever gone to get ice-cream together on a regular day?” Ambrose accused._ _

__“You might have been under house arrest, dear, but Zelda, Sabrina and I have gone several times to get ice-cream” The truth of those words hurt Ambrose, who suddenly remembered all those times when her aunts brought him the ice-cream he could not enjoy with them at the store. The pain from that realization made him quiet._ _

__“So” Hilda continued, although she realized she had been unnecessarily cruel to her nephew, “even if your aunt keeps shutting us and our plans out, we will continue to suggest things to do and we will continue to put a smile in our faces and a brave front for her”._ _

__“This is ridiculous” Sabrina protested, getting up, “I am going to talk to her, and I won’t stop until she does too”._ _

__Hilda was secretly proud of her niece’s determination to help the matriarch of the family, but she warned: “Don’t get your hopes up. You probably won’t get to her. She’s like a wall of bricks”._ _

__“Well,” Sabrina said confidently, “I am a wrecking ball”._ _

__\------------------------_ _

__The knock on the door brought Zelda back to reality. It was hard for her to concentrate these days, her mind drifting from thought to thought, sometimes inevitably coming upon flashes of her wedding trip. It still took her some time to fully come back from the corners of her mind as she mechanically said “come in”. It was Sabrina. That relieved her―Hilda would probably want to talk about the mean words she had for her before. But no, Sabrina was like her: a doer, not a talker. She was safe with her._ _

__“What is it, Sabrina?”_ _

__“I…” suddenly, Sabrina realized she hadn’t planned any of the exchange she was a bout to have. “I…”_ _

__“You…?” Zelda looked at her impatiently._ _

__“I wanted to talk” she finally managed to say._ _

__“Is it about your nightmare?”_ _

__“Eh… yes! Well…no. But it does have to do with the conversation we had last night” Sabrina smiled faintly as she said those words, waiting for her aunt to reply._ _

__“What of the conversation” Zelda asked tentatively, her defense walls starting to close in._ _

__“I told you that I’m here for you, and I mean it. I just…” Sabrina hesitated for a second until she decided she might as well be blunt with her aunt, considering whatever she might say could be immediately shut down: “I just think you are not okay and you are not talking to anyone about it and so you won’t get better if you keep everything to yourself”._ _

__Although the directness of her niece surprised her, Zelda appreciated Sabrina’s straight forwardness. Certainly, something she had learned from her, as Hilda would still be running around in circles for a few more minutes before approaching the subject. She took a breath and proceeded to avoid the conversation she so much feared._ _

__“I did tell you I wasn’t okay. But talking about it won’t help. It’s not who I am―what I do to deal with problems. I appreciate your concern, Sabrina, I do, I really do. It’s just that I am not the talking type.”_ _

__Sabrina ignored the excuses of her aunt, she knew better than to give up so easily: “Is it because of what happened to Ambrose, to me? Is that why you are so weird around us? Because you feared losing us?”_ _

__A feeling of shame filled Zelda’s body. For yes, of course she had been scared about what would happen to her family, but that was not what was keeping her awake at night. She figured she could lie and let Sabrina think that was it, but she must have shown by her expression that this was not the issue at hand, as Sabrina questioned her again:_ _

__“It’s not that, is it?” Zelda kept quiet. Then what is it? And why won’t you tell us?”_ _

__For a second, Zelda considered telling her niece everything. But how could she? How could she admit it had been a mistake marrying someone her niece despised so much? How could she tell her all the ways he had hurt her, when her niece was so young? How could she admit her weakness as a witch and as a woman, when she was the strong one in her family? No, she couldn’t say anything to Sabrina._ _

__It was her who broke the silence again, as Zelda had chosen to remain silent while she pondered what to say: “Look, Auntie Zee, whatever it is it can’t be so bad… and, if it is, then we can figure it out, together, as a family, as we always do. We’ll come up with a plan”_ _

__The stubbornness of her niece made her proud but all she could mutter was: “There can be no plan. It’s all over now. There’s nothing to do but forget and move on, which I am trying to do here, but all of you won’t let me”._ _

__“What is it you are trying to forget?”_ _

__Her niece was perseverant, she had to give her that. “Stupid things, Sabrina. None of which concern you. You should pack your things and go to Baxter High. It’s getting late already”_ _

__“I am not going anywhere. We were going to get ice-cream, remember? I basically have Aunt Hilda’s permission not to go to school today, so I will stay here until you open up and tell me”._ _

__“I thought you were one of my people” At the confused look of Sabrina, Zelda clarified: “I thought you weren’t one of those witches who talk and talk―I thought you liked action over words”._ _

__“I do, but sometimes words are all we have left. The fact that I want you to talk, that I want to talk to you should show you how much I care about you. You would do it for me if it was me in pain. And you would hate having to talk about emotions and feelings. But you would do it for me. So I am doing it for you. And the sooner you start talking, the sooner we can end this conversation._ _

__“I…” Zelda started, her thoughts recounting every single horrible thing that Blackwood had done to her._ _

__“If you tell me, you’ll feel better. And I will leave you alone, if you want.”_ _

__“Alright. But it won’t be pretty”_ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Currently working on the third chapter, the conversation. If you have suggestions as to how to approach the subject, you are more than welcome!


	3. Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda and Sabrina finally have the conversation about what happened to Zelda.

Sabrina sat down on a chair opposite to her aunt and she waited in expectation. She remembered Hilda’s advice about being extra-careful not to upset Zelda, so she decided to sit and wait for her aunt to do the talking.

“It is true that I am hurt by what happened in the past few weeks, but I guess your focus was not on the main thing that is troubling me.” Zelda began as an introduction to the more unsettling details that were to come. “You know I am an independent witch. So… when I married Faustus, I thought I could use my charms to protect us, to improve our position in the coven.” These words made Sabrina suddenly start to suspect what the main problem was. “But I never thought I would lose my independence, the thing I value the most.” Zelda continued, stopping for a minute to collect her thoughts and to put them into words. “I never saw it coming, and that was foolish of me. I should have worn a protection spell, but I really didn’t think Faustus capable of doing what he did to me”.

“The Caligari spell…” The realization hit Sabrina, and she felt stupid for not having made the connection before.

“It happened out of nowhere; he must have planned it all the way back in Greendale. I was suddenly in a haze, sitting on the front row to my own horror picture”.

“Did he…? What did he do to you?”

“The better question would be what _didn’t_ he do?” Shame and guilt were building up inside Zelda, tinting her cheeks red. But, if she was going to talk about what happened, she was going to do it with as much detail as possible. This might be her only chance at admitting what had happened―her only confession at the hands of the daughter of a High Priest. Of _her_ High Priest. Of her _brother High Priest_. What would Edward think of her now? So weak and broken that she had to look for solace in a 16-year-old.

Meanwhile, Sabrina’s mind was racing, going over all the possible things her aunt was about to admit having been through. How could she not have made the connection before? Sure, Zelda had brushed over the details when she got out of the spell; mentioning only the horrible dresses and all the spinning and smiling―and she had just thought that was it. How could she had been so naïve? Her heart was pounding in her chest, her head starting to spin. Here was her aunt, in front of her, the woman she admired most in the world, the strongest woman she knew, admitting that she had been hurt in the most horrible ways she could think of, and she, Sabrina, hadn’t even considered that possibility. The possibility of her aunt Zelda losing control. Her mind could not even conceive a scenario where someone could hurt Zelda. It was hard to look at her while maintaining her composure. She wasn’t sure if her face was getting wet from tears or sweat. Sabrina hoped it was the second one―she didn’t want to appear weak; not in front of her Auntie, not at this moment. She took a deep breath, as she prepared for what she suspected her aunt Zelda would tell her. 

Seeing her niece’s silence, Zelda decided to continue, not really knowing where to go next. “It happened so quickly and yet, when I was under the spell, it felt like an eternity. He―Faustus… he was _rough_ ”. Sabrina swallowed hard, not sure she really wanted to hear all the grisly details of her aunt’s ordeal. “He pushed me around, grabbing me by the arms, moving me without my consent”. _This was it_ , Zelda thought, her moment of complete confession. “He was rough in _other_ ways too”. Tears were starting to well up in her eyes, and she blinked quickly to prevent them from falling. “We had sex―or rather _he_ had sex with me every day of our honeymoon; multiple times per day.” 

Sabrina didn’t manage to keep her tears at bay. She didn’t, however, say anything, as she didn’t want her aunt to stop. Zelda understood Sabrina’s silence and continued: “Every time all I could do was lay down and wait for instructions, which usually meant saying obscene things, or opening the legs for him. It burned, and hurt, and every time all I could do was look and smile. But on the inside, I screamed, I fought, I cursed him; in my mind I didn’t open my legs, I didn’t tell him that I loved it, I didn’t cooperate to heighten his lust. I tried…I really tried”. Zelda paused for a minute, while the images of her honeymoon flashed in her mind. She could no longer contain her tears; she started crying silently, joining her niece in their pain. 

Sabrina took this as a cue to say something, although her impulsiveness impeded her to be as delicate as she would have wanted to: “I will kill him. He will die a horrible death. He will pay for what he did to you. I swear, Auntie. This will not be it”. 

“It is not revenge what I want, Sabrina”. The revelation surprised the teenager, for she imagined her aunt would seek reparative justice in her own hands. 

“What is it that you want, then, Auntie?” 

“To forget”. 

“Do you… do you want an obliterating spell?” 

“Sabrina, don’t you think I would have done it already if I did? I want to forget, I _need_ to forget, but I _cannot_ forget. I can’t eliminate the past few weeks from my mind―way too many things happened to our family. I don’t want to risk forgetting them and believing everything has been fine. And, I guess if I could forget I would still feel like something is off, I would still see the scars in my body and wonder what had happened to me”.

The thought that Blackwood had, quite literally, left a _mark_ in her aunt filled Sabrina with nausea. Again, she felt stupidly naïve for not having thought about the implications of her aunt’s account. Sabrina realized that even though Zelda was being honest, she was still keeping many graphic details to herself. She thanked for that, as she didn’t know how she would react if she was told the _whole _thing.__

____

“What should we do, Auntie Zee? How do we move on from here?”

____

“I’ve been trying to answer that myself for the past few weeks. I’ve been trying to move on, to act as if nothing was wrong. It’s clear I can’t do that anymore. But I really don’t know what I should do.”

____

“Mortals go to psychologists when they feel without answers” Sabrina timidly suggested.

____

“And witches go to their High Priest, which is obviously not an option for me…”

____

“But maybe a mortal psychologist…”

____

“How could I explain to a psychologist that I was tortured and raped due to a _spell_?”

____

“You could just avoid the magical details. I’m sure someone could help you, Auntie, even a non-magical person”.

____

“I will think about it, Sabrina. I can’t promise anything, though.”

____

“It’s okay, Auntie”. The teenager stayed silent for a couple of seconds before she added: “Thank you”.

____

“Thank you? For what?” Zelda asked surprised.

____

“For telling me all this. For being honest. I know you don’t like talking about your feelings, and I know that talking about a moment of vulnerability is probably the hardest thing for you. So I thank you for confiding in me”.

____

These words deeply touched Zelda, as if her niece had pierced her heart with a sharp needle. Tears started to well up in her eyes again as she said: “I am the one who has to thank you. These feelings, these images, everything that happened―I had it all bottled up inside me. It was slowly killing me… Talking… it helped. I… I don’t know what I’ll do. But I do know this was a first step towards feeling like myself again”.

____

“I love you, Aunt Zee. And I am here for you. We all are”.

____

“I love you too. And I know”.

____

Sabrina hugged her aunt, who flinched at the touch, but rapidly hugged her back. They both silently sobbed with their heads resting on each other’s shoulders. They stayed like that for some minutes, but in Zelda’s mind it felt like an eternity. 

____

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I think this might be the end of this story, although if you have suggestions to continue it, let me know!


	4. At the doctor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda decides to try some mortal help.

Zelda paced up and down in the office, where she waited impatiently. She lit a cigarette and deeply breathed in the calming smoke. She started questioning why she had even come, when she didn’t really think this was going to work. It was true, however, that ever since her conversation with Sabrina she had been considering her offer of getting professional help, even if it meant getting _mortal_ professional help. Her nightmares were getting worse and it was interfering with her work as High Priestess. She could feel the worry of her coven when she addressed them after a sleepless night. She saw the fear in the eyes of young witches and warlocks whenever she paused during a sermon, flashbacks of the horrors endured playing in her mind. They suspected something was wrong, and as High Priestess she couldn’t afford having her coven afraid and not trusting her. At home, Zelda knew that Sabrina had told Hilda of their conversation, her sister being extremely careful around her, which was driving her mad. She was taking her frustration, fear and pain out on her sister, who, as sweet and good as Hilda was, was letting her be a horrible person to her. This was killing Zelda―she had promised herself not to treat Hilda badly and here she was: shutting her out, hissing at her… the only thing she hadn’t done was kill her. But that was not the Zelda she wanted to be.

Everyone tiptoeing around her was suffocating her. That is why she decided to find help. She informed everyone at home, with the hope that they would stop treating her as if she were going to break at any time.

She took another drag from her cigarette and studied her surroundings. So this was where mortals came to get help: a small office, with no windows, a couple of chairs and a plastic plant. It looked depressing to her―too impersonal.

Suddenly, the door opened and in came a young man. _Great_ , Zelda thought, _I am going to get help from a kid_. She smiled, however, and shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you”

“Nice to meet you. It’s Zelda, right?”

“Yes”.

“I’m Charles, but you can call me Charlie” _Never in a million years_ , Zelda thought. “There’s one thing I need to tell you―there’s no smoking in here”.

“Oh, sorry” Zelda blushed, and suppressed an impulse to magically put out the cigarette. “I thought… this being a place where anxieties and problems come to light…” said Zelda as she used her hands to put out the cigarette with a small smile.

“Well, we deal with problems in a different way here” the doctor smiled. “So, tell me, why are you here?”

“This was my niece’s idea. She thinks I need some _mort_ …some help to process what happened to me”. Zelda was regretting this whole idea of a psychologist. Telling the most intimate parts of her life to a complete stranger suddenly felt like a horrible idea.

“And what happened to you?” Charles asked.

“You know what?” Zelda said, getting up. “This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t have come”.

“Ms. Spellman, please sit down” Charles hurried to make her stay. “Whatever it is, I can help. There is no shame and it’s completely confidential. You said your niece suggested that you came here, why do you think that is?”

“She’s worried”. Zelda said, sitting down again. “My family doesn’t know what to do. They are all worried”.

“Well, we are here to help, Zelda. Can I call you Zelda?” She nodded and the psychologist continued. “We deal with every kind of problem here. There’s probably nothing we haven’t seen.” _You’d be surprised_ , Zelda thought. “So tell me, Zelda, why are you here?”

“I was…” Zelda took a deep breath. She couldn’t believe she was doing this. “I was tortured and raped by my husband”.

The expression of the doctor turned serious. “I’m sorry to hear that. I am legally obliged to inform you of your right to report the rape to the police”.

“They have been informed” Zelda interrupted. Yes, Ambrose and Prudence were her police of sorts, although her nephew was coming back home to check in on her every once in a while. “They are looking for him. He… went missing”.

“I’m sorry to hear that. But I’m glad you spoke to the police. Sometimes coming forward to them is the hardest step. Specially if there’s a trial and you have to re-live every detail…” Zelda stayed quiet, thinking that she, or Lilith, for that matter, would be the judge of Faustus, and the trial would be swift. “So, tell me, how are you feeling?”

“I… I don’t know. I guess I’m feeling many things at once… And I hate talking about how I feel”.

“Why do you think that is?”

“Is this all you are going to do? Answer everything I say with a question?” Zelda interjected―she knew this had been a bad idea.

“No, Zelda. I will give you some tools to _deal_ with your feelings, to deal with your nightmares and flashbacks if you have them, and I suspect you do, and I am going to help you regain control of your life. But right now, I am trying to assess whether you are going to need help from a rape counselor, whether you’ll need to do group therapy or whether you’ll be fine just with me. But for that, I need to know some details about what happened.” His voice was calm and he finished with a polite smile which made Zelda flush with a mixed feeling of shame and guilt.

“I apologize”

“There’s no need. Okay, let’s try another way. How do you think your family is dealing with this?”

“Hmm… they drive me mad. They treat me like I’m barely holding it together and as if I were going to break if they said or did something to me”

“Do you think you will? Break?”

“I… I guess… I guess I sometimes do feel like that. It’s just that I wish they weren’t so worried that they can’t treat me as they used to”.

“Have you told them that?”

“I haven’t had _many_ conversations about it”.

“Why do you think that is?”

“I told you―I don’t like talking about how I feel”. Charles remained silent, raising an eyebrow as if pressing her to continue. “I don’t want them to think of me as a broken toy, as someone weak”.

“But you just said that you feel they already treat you like that so… what difference could a little talk make?”

Zelda was left speechless for a second, until she began: “I had a conversation with my niece the other day”.

“And?...”

“Em… It… it wasn’t that bad”.

“So do you think you could open up to your niece about how everybody is making you feel?”

“I don’t―I don’t know. My niece is so young…”

“She seems mature enough to suggest you came here, to talk to you about what happened…”

“I don’t know, doctor, it’s still hard for me to admit that what happened affected me”

“Do you want to talk to me about what happened?”

“Do I have much of a choice?”

“Of course, Zelda. I am not forcing you to do anything, you can leave any time you want. But, I think you know, talking helps. And if you feel uncomfortable talking to your family, it might help to speak to a professional who’s sworn to secrecy”.

_Okay, let’s do it_ , Zelda thought. “I didn’t get married for love… it was for power. But I never thought that _my husband_ …” Zelda breathed shakily, “I never thought he would…” she paused, “I just didn’t think him capable of hurting me as he did”.

“You said you married for power… how was your relationship to him before you did?”

“Well, we knew each other for _centuries_ …” Zelda stopped right on track at this word, but seeing that the doctor didn’t react, she assumed he’d thought it was an exaggeration. _These mortals_ , she thought, _they wouldn’t know a witch if she was standing right in front of their face_. “We studied together. We were together for a while, but my brother didn’t want us to get married, so we didn’t. And then he married to another woman, but we were on and off, not that I really liked being his mistress… When his wife died, I thought everything would be as it was before…”

“And it wasn’t”

“No, it wasn’t.” Tears suddenly welling up in her eyes. “It happened so quickly, during our honeymoon in Rome. I was foolish to trust him, I didn’t―I wasn’t able to protect myself from him”.

“He was your _husband_ , on your _honeymoon_. You were not foolish to trust him. How couldn’t you have?”

“Ha” Zelda scoffed. “You didn’t know Faustus―that was… that is his name. Faustus…” the name sent shivers down her spine. “Faustus was… _is_ a cruel person. And I knew that. And I thought he wouldn’t be cruel _with me_. So, yes, I was foolish.”

“Zelda, this man tortured and raped you while you were on your honeymoon. The feelings of guilt, of foolishness, you are having right now are normal, but you are not to blame here. And I hope that by the time I am done with you, you’ll see that yourself”.

“If you say so…” Zelda looked at Charles in disbelief.

“Do you feel like talking in more detail about the events that happened during your honeymoon?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Whatever you are comfortable with telling me”

Zelda paused to think what she was going to say, and how she was going to tackle the whole avoiding-to-talk-about-the-Caligari issue. “Hmm… he beat me _a lot_ and… he had me immobilized for most of the honeymoon”.

“He tied you?”

Zelda hesitated, but decided to roll with it: “Yes. To the bed. So he could… you know” Charles nodded in acknowledgment. “He _did it_ , he beat me and… raped me… so many times, I lost count” Tears trickled down her cheeks while she tried to smile. “And I couldn’t fight back. I tried and I tried… but I couldn’t move, I was at his mercy. I felt powerless, I _was powerless_ ” Zelda emphasized that last verb, knowing Charles wouldn’t understand how literally she meant it.

“I know it’s hard to believe, but you shouldn’t beat yourself up about not fighting back. There is **nothing** you could have done. Nothing. You were tied up: you couldn’t do anything. I know that feeling stripped off power must have been terrifying, and we will work on that, but if there’s something I want you to leave this meeting with is this: It was _**not**_ your fault. There’s nothing you could have done. You should not feel guilty about what happened to you”.

“It’s hard to believe it” Zelda sighed.

“I know, but it will get better and easier as time goes by. Having said that, I believe you could benefit from group therapy, and, if you wanted to, a rape counselor. I will also give you the number from RAINN, are you familiar with it?”

Zelda said no with her head. _These mortals… they might be helpful after all_ , she thought.

“RAINN is a National Network that has 24/7 free confidential help. You can chat or call a professional any time you feel like drowning and needing help―and not wanting to talk to your family. Here―” he gave her a card with different telephone numbers and links.

“Thank you” said Zelda sincerely, with a small smile.

“Let’s schedule your next appointments, shall we?”

“I guess we shall”

“This is a long process, Zelda, I’m not going to lie. But you have done great today. It will get better, I promise”

“I hope”

“For now, remember: this was not your fault. If you have problems you can call me, or call RAINN. And… talk to your family. They love you and care about you. You don’t even have to talk about what happened, but about how you feel.”

“I will try” Zelda said, getting up. “Doctor… thanks. This was actually much better than I expected”.

“I am glad” Charles shook her hand with a smile. “Take care”.

“I will try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about writing other chapters with more psychological help (maybe group therapy?) and how the Spellmans deal with everything that's happened in a deeper way.


	5. Another nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda has another nightmare, but this time she decides to open up about it to her family.

“NOOOO!!!” ***crash*** Zelda woke up casting an explosive spell that shattered the mirror of her bedroom. While she heavily breathed, hot tears dampening her face, Hilda rushed to her side and tried to hug her. At the touch of her sister, Zelda flinched and tried to get away.

“Shh, shh, shh. It’s okay, it’s okay. You’re okay. It’s me, Hilda. Zelds, you’re okay honey, look at me” Zelda looked at her sister, still disoriented, slowly coming back from the nightmare. Her breathing was agitated, but she allowed Hilda to hold her. “You’re okay, honey, you’re okay. Breathe. Shh, shh, shh. Breathe, breathe”. Zelda started calming down. “That’s right, very well”.

The door of their room opened suddenly, Sabrina entering to see what had happened. “Is everyone okay?!” she asked, turning the lights on. The sudden illumination blinded Zelda for a second. The scene that Sabrina took in was rather discouraging: the shattered mirror looked as destroyed as her aunt Zelda’s face. Hilda was holding her tight, trying to calm her down. At least, it seemed, no one was hurt.

“Everything’s okay, Brina” her aunt Hilda said unconvincingly. “Why don’t you go down to the kitchen and turn the kettle on?”

“Are you going to be okay, Auntie Zee?” Sabrina asked before leaving, wanting to make sure her aunt Hilda had things under control.

“Mm-huh” Zelda mumbled; her voice hoarse. “Go down, Sabrina. I could really use a tea”

Sabrina hesitated, but finally left, leaving the lights on and the sisters on the bed, holding tight to one another.

Hilda’s embrace was calming Zelda, who stared at the mess she had created. Her sister sensed Zelda’s embarrassment and quietly cast a repairing spell that did away with the shattered pieces. “Are you feeling better now?”

Zelda nodded in silence. Some tears were still trickling down her cheeks, but her breathing had become steady. “I’m sorry” she muttered, embarrassed.

“You don’t have to be sorry, honey. It was just a nightmare”

“I… I could have _hurt_ you, Hilds. It wasn’t _just a nightmare_ , it was yet _another_ nightmare, like the ones I’ve been having practically every night since the honeymoon. Only that this time… it was the first nightmare where I used a spell. What if tomorrow I cast a spell to you? What if…?”

“Shh, shh” Hilda interrupted. “It will get better. You can tell Dr. Charlie about it and he can help you”

“I can’t tell him about spells, Hilda”

“Honey, we’ve been over this a couple of times: just say you threw a glass of water and shattered the mirror… Just substitute every impulse of saying “spell” with words like “attacks” or “reactions” or… I don’t know… You seemed happy after your first session with him yesterday”.

“It doesn’t seem to have helped much…”

“It was just the first day, Zelds. Maybe you had a more intense nightmare because you are starting to work through it”.

“Ha” Zelda scoffed, “so I’ll be getting worse before getting better, you think?”

“I don’t know, honey. You’ll have to talk to your psychologist… but… do you want to tell me what your nightmare was about?”

“What do you think?!” Zelda hissed, but she instantly regretted the tone she was using with her sister, who, after all, was trying to help her at 3am. “I’m sorry” she apologized. “It was just the same thing as always…”

“And that thing is…?” Hilda questioned cautiously.

“Come on, Hilds.” Zelda sighed, remembering the words of Dr. Charles about letting her family in. “It was Faustus… being Faustus. And I was under the Caligari spell, so I was helpless”. Hilda was quiet, listening, proud of her sister, who hadn’t opened up about the wedding to her until that moment. “He was just saying _these things_ … these horrible things,” Zelda continued, “things that are engraved in my brain. They still terrify me”.

“…what sort of things?” Hilda didn’t expect her sister to answer but felt compelled to ask. To her surprise, Zelda did give her an answer that felt sincere.

“Some insults, mostly. But what really, _really_ scares me are his threats, which he ended up fulfilling completely during our honeymoon”. Hilda stared at her sister with pity in her eyes, which, she was sure, was upsetting Zelda even more. She just couldn’t help herself: seeing her older sister feeling so helpless was a torture. Zelda continued, not getting into the most explicit details of her nightmare; _I will save those for dr. Charles_. “In this nightmare he was saying he would get a whip and hit me with it until I passed out from bleeding. This…― _he did_.” Zelda gasped for air, suddenly feeling breathless. She wasn’t able to tell her sister about the rest of the nightmare. Admitting this much was already hard enough.

“Oh, Zelds” Hilda started, not really knowing what to say. “Zelds, I’m sorry that you had to go through all that”. She tightened her embrace. “I’m **_so proud_** of you”.

“Proud?” Zelda raised an eyebrow.

“This is the first time you tell me something about your ordeal… I’m so, so proud”. Hilda smiled, choking back a tear.

“I think this was Dr. Charles’s doing… He insisted that I let you in. And I guess he was right” Zelda admitted.

They both smiled and at that precise moment a voice called from below.

“Tea is ready! Want me to bring it up?!”

“We should get downstairs” Hilda suggested.

“I agree”

\-------------------------

Sabrina was tired, it was 3.30am, after all. Nevertheless, she felt uneasy, checking the tea she had just made, waiting for her aunts to come down. She wanted everything to be perfect, even if it was just a silly tea. She felt she owed it to her aunt Zelda, as she hadn’t always been the most helpful of a niece, and she understood the gravity of the situation her aunt had gone, and was still going, through.

Hilda, leading Zelda by her shoulders, entered the kitchen. “The tea smells lovely, Brina” she said as she led Zelda to a chair. Sabrina observed the agitated state her older aunt was still in, and it silently broke her heart. “Here, grab a mug” Hilda offered. Sabrina complied and took it without words. Zelda did the same with her own cup of tea.

The silence that invaded the kitchen could be touched with the fingertips. Hilda couldn’t stand the tension that was beginning to form between them. She had to say something, make everyone more comfortable: “This tea is incredible! How did you make it?”

Sabrina understood the effort of her aunt and played along: “It was the herbs―I let them soak before actually pouring the boiling water. Do you like it, Aunt Zee?”

Her voice echoed far away in Zelda’s mind. She was replaying her nightmare over and over again. _I will kill you, Zelda; you’ll die eventually at my hands_ ***crack*** the whip tore the flesh of her back. _You will die_ ***crack*** _But first I’ll play with you_ ***crack*** “Aunt Zee?” ***crack*** “Aunt Zee?” ***crack*** “Zelds?” The sudden touch of her sister startled her and brought her back to reality.

“Huh?... I’m fine” Zelda tried to sound calm, but her voice trembled, betraying her.

“You weren’t even listening, Zelds”. Hilda’s tone was not reproaching, it had an underlying tone of worry that broke Zelda’s heart.

“I’m sorry. I was… it was…”

“You were re-living your nightmare, weren’t you?” Sabrina asked impatiently.

“Yes” Zelda admitted, without looking at either of them.

“The spell you cast… the one that broke the mirror...” Sabrina started.

“It was an instinct. To protect myself. Which I _couldn’t_ do in real life” Zelda clarified, although she thought everything was pretty self-explanatory. It seemed everyone wanted her to talk about every single thing that was happening or that she was thinking.

Hilda and Sabrina exchanged looks, not really knowing what to say to continue the conversation. The silence made everyone uncomfortable, so Zelda took the reins of the talk. “Dr. Charles wants me to do group therapy” she said, hoping that by sharing something like that her sister and niece would stop worrying so much and appreciate her efforts to share more details of her feelings.

Hilda smiled softly, happy to see her sister more willing to communicate. “And how do you feel about that?”

“I haven’t made up my mind about it yet. It feels too soon”.

“The sooner you get help, the better you’ll be” Sabrina interjected.

“I don’t know, Sabrina. It’s hard enough to talk to Dr. Charles about intimate details. I don’t know if talking to a bunch of women who’ve been through similar ordeals is going to help me with anything” Zelda was blunt, because she was tired of beating around the bushes.

“Well…” Hilda started, trying to calm her sister down. “You didn’t know if talking to Dr. Charlie would help, but you were happy about it after you did. If he suggested group therapy, maybe it’s for the best”

“Aunt Zee” Sabrina interrupted Hilda, before Zelda answered. “At least _talking_ to us and to the psychologist seems to be helping you. You weren’t talking at all a couple of days ago. And now, you’re letting us in, we can help you now”.

Zelda sighed. “You are so persistent, it’s sometimes tiring. Why don’t we call it a night? I’ll decide whether to do group therapy or not tomorrow”.

“Okay, Auntie Zee” Sabrina said, getting up.

“Okay, hun” Hilda conceded, hugging Zelda tight. “Are you coming up to the bedroom?”

“No, I couldn’t go back to sleep. I think I’ll work for a bit”.

“You shouldn’t work that hard, it will kill you” _I will kill you, Zelda, you’ll die eventually at my hands_. The terror in Zelda’s eyes was obvious to both Hilda and Sabrina, who realized the words might have triggered some memories of the honeymoon. “Zelda, honey… why don’t I make some more tea, and we can just sit down in silence, enjoying the flavor, huh? Would you like that?” Zelda looked at her sister―she seemed tired, and the fact that she wanted to stay with her, without pressuring her to talk more, made her appreciate what she had. She nodded in agreement, even though she felt guilty of making Hilda stay awake with her.

“Thank you, Hilds. I know you are tired”.

“For you, I’ll stay tired every night until you finally sleep well again”.

“Thank you”

“Don’t even mention it”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you liked it. 
> 
> I wanted to do a transition chapter with some family interaction before getting to the group therapy chapter, which will come soon. 
> 
> In the meantime, every comment and suggestion is welcome! :)


	6. Group therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda finally goes to group therapy

Zelda looked around her nervously: around seven or eight mortal women were sitting in a circle, some of them talking among themselves. She took a seat strategically empty on both sides. Zelda continued looking around and smiled uncomfortably when a woman in front of her made eye contact, but she quickly looked down. A sustained eye contact could mean the start of a conversation, which she was trying to avoid at all costs. She continued to look around, making sure she wasn’t looking at anyone in the eyes. The moral women were a multi-colored group: some old, some young, some well-dressed, some sloppy… so different and yet all united by a horrifying event that marked their lives. Most of the women seemed comfortable there, which in turn made Zelda feel completely out of place. Her instincts to get up and leave were increasing by the minute. _What am I doing here, anyway?_ Zelda asked herself. _I can’t do this, I’m not ready to face these mortals._

Just as she was about to get up, a tall, elegant woman came to sit next to her: “Is this seat taken?” she asked. When Zelda said no with her head, the woman sat to her right. “First time?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sorry that you’re here. Although I’m glad that you _are_ looking for help. I’m Elaine, by the way”, she smiled at Zelda as she offered her a hand.

“Zelda” she shook her hand, with a polite smile, not quite as sincere as Elaine’s.

Elaine sense Zelda’s uncomfortable stance and tried to reassure her: “This is the right place to be. You’ll see. It gets better”.

Zelda repressed an impulse to sarcastically answer her. _I have to be civil among these mortals,_ she thought, deciding to engage in conversation with Elaine, who, after all, didn’t seem quite so bad. “How long… how long have you been coming here?” Zelda didn’t have the heart to ask what had happened to her.

“Hmm… around two years.” Elaine answered, doing the math.

“Two years?!” Zelda asked, surprised. “I thought you said it gets better…”

“It does, that’s why I keep coming here. It helps me deal with emotions, it allows me to have a safe space and I like helping newcomers… like you. It gives me a sense of… I don’t know… fulfillment, I guess”. Elaine again smiled at Zelda, who smiled back, feeling slightly more relaxed. “So, how long ago did _it_ happen?” Elaine asked her, only to add, “if you’re not comfortable, no need to answer”.

“It was around a month ago, almost two months”. Zelda opened up.

“Wow, you came here so soon! That’s good. It took me nearly a year to finally find help after it happened to me”.

“Oh… and why did you decide to come here?”

“I just couldn’t take it anymore. I wasn’t coping… I was hurting everyone who knew me… It was just a horrible time in my life”. Elaine’s face was serene, but her smile had vanished from her face.

Zelda wanted to go on asking questions, but at that moment the door opened and Dr. Charles, accompanied by a woman who Zelda assumed was another psychologist. The few women who were standing up, sat down on the empty seats that formed the circle.

“Hello, everyone. I hope you’ve been well since our last meeting.” Dr. Charles began. “Before we start today, I want to introduce our newest member of our group” he turned around to look at Zelda who was mortified of being put on the spot. “Zelda, why don’t you introduce yourself and tell us something about you?”

Zelda got up as if she had a spring on her seat. Everyone’s eyes were fixed on her and she blushed as she tried to find the words to express herself: “I… erm… I’m Zelda… and… Spellman, Zelda Spellman…erm… this was my niece’s idea…and… well, I guess if all of you are here for the same reasons as me… then I’m sorry”. Her face was red with embarrassment as she sat down, wanting the earth to swallow her. When she finished talking, everyone welcomed her in unison, which startled her, and she found annoying.

“Thank you, Zelda”. Dr. Charles smile at her. “How about we go around in the circle and we introduce ourselves so that Zelda can know us better? Marie, will you do the honors?”

The woman that had sat down to the left of Zelda got up and introduced herself. “Hi, I’m Marie, and I’m a survivor”. At this phrase everyone said “Hi, Marie”, which Zelda thought was a continuation of the ridiculousness and annoyance of the rituals. Marie continued: “I’ve been a survivor for five years, and each day I’m stronger”. She sat down, and the next woman took her turn: “I’m Suzanne, and I’m a survivor”. “ _Hi, Suzanne_ Zelda thought the meeting was going to take forever. “I’ve been a survivor for over twenty years” Zelda looked at the mortal woman, surprised. “since I was a child. It has been a long journey, but I know I couldn’t have made it without you”. _These mortal women, going through this, with no help of magic…_ Zelda realized she was fortunate of at least having been able to cure most of her wounds magically. _These women don’t have those resources, they are alone_.

One by one, each of the women explained how long they had been survivors. _Survivor, what a word… is that what I am, now? When I’m barely living at all?_ Zelda was quiet, struck just by how long the women had been dealing with their sexual assaults. Some gave a couple of details; most of them just stated the time they had been coming to therapy. When Elaine, to Zelda’s right, finished her account, Dr. Charles introduced the woman who had come with him: “Thank you, Elaine. Some of you may not know Dr. Schmidt; she’s with us today to work through some issues that arose in the last session”.

Dr. Schmidt took the floor: “Please call me Kim. We can talk about night terrors today and what to do to deal with them” she paused, “Does somebody want to share an experience with night terrors?”

A young looking woman, whose name Zelda couldn’t remember, raised her hand.

“Yes, Alice?” _Alice, that was her name. All these mortal names keep slipping off my head…_ Zelda thought.

“I’ve been having these dreams where I’m back at _his_ house and _he_ comes to me and just… _rapes_ me. Over and over again and I can’t escape.

“Do you wake up immediately?” Dr. Schmidt questioned her.

“No…it kind of lingers on forever. It goes on and on… I sometimes hear his voice”. Zelda felt as if Alice was talking about herself.

“What do you feel when you wake up?”

“It takes a while for me to come back from the nightmare. It’s usually my husband who holds me and helps me come back” The words hit quite close to home for Zelda, who was finding it hard to maintain her composure.

“When you are having the nightmare, do you ever realize it’s actually a dream, or does it feel real?”

“I guess it feels real, as if it was happening all over again”.

“Okay, thanks, Alice. Does anyone else have vivid nightmares about their experiences?” Zelda looked around, as quite an important number of women raised their hands. She did too. “Okay, from all those who didn’t say they experienced the nightmares ―how many of you used to have those vivid nightmares?” Most of the women who hadn’t raised the hand before, did so this time, including Elaine. “Can one of you who raised their hands right now give some details about how the night terrors ended or subsided?”

Elaine spoke then: “I used to have nightmares all the time. Practically every night. And I didn’t… I couldn’t separate what was real from what was just in my brain. It was… just so real.” _This is what is happening to me_ Zelda thought. “But then…” Elaine continued “I just started going to therapy and I found these triggers… these images… that always used to appear in my nightmares… and it came to a point where I could identify them and realize that it wasn’t real, that it was all a dream… I mean… I still sometimes _do_ have nightmares, but I can identify them and sure, I get startled, but when I wake up I understand what happened and don’t feel stuck in the nightmare”.

“Good. That’s indeed something that helps with nightmares and night terrors. Identifying triggering images or sounds can help with dealing with knowing what happens in our brain when we are re-living traumatic experiences.” Dr. Schmidt’s words elicited interest in Zelda, who started to wonder what images repeated in her own nightmares.

“And how do we identify the images?” another mortal asked. _Yes, that’s a question I’d like to see answered_

“Well, that’s something that you can work with me, individual” Dr. Charles interrupted. “And here, with the group”

“Yes, we wanted you to start thinking on what things trigger you, so we can talk about them during our next group session. It can be images, sounds, words, that trigger flashbacks when you’re awake or things that are repeated while you’re asleep” Dr. Schmidt finished. _What can my triggers be?_ Zelda asked herself.

“So that’s your homework for Thursday” Dr. Charles said, trying to be funny, which Zelda found utterly annoying. “Let’s now have some free space to talk about our progress or anything we want to share with the group” Zelda thought nobody would speak, but, to her surprise, several hands rose.

“Marie”.

“I started writing a journal the other day…”

“That’s a good idea, what sort of things are you writing?” another mortal asked.

“Hmm, feelings… ideas… that sort of things”

“It is always good to have an outlet to express our feelings” Dr. Charles explained, “so, well done, Marie. Anyone else wants to share something?”

“I have been quite jumpy lately” Alice said―Zelda was proud of remembering her name this time―.

“And why do you think that is?”

“The date. It’s getting closer to the anniversary of the rape”.

“Some particular dates can be hard to navigate” Dr. Schmidt said.

“Yes. It’s silly, isn’t it? And yet… it seems that a stupid date is making me go back to that moment and be the victim again.”

“It’s not silly, Alice. It’s something that happens to many people. These days, you could talk to your support system at home about what you’re feeling and why and talk to us about it as well” Dr. Charles said. “So, you said you are jumpy. Are you having nightmares? Are you feeling other emotions?”

“I am having nightmares, yes. And I’m feeling… angry and sad and as I felt a year ago.” _Yes, I’m angry and sad as well_ Zelda thought.

“Well, as you know, the emotions you are feeling are normal and I want you to remember that you have come a long way. You are not the woman you were a year ago. You are stronger, you are better”.

“Yes, I know… I know… deep down, I know I’ve been getting better. I just feel it doesn’t ever end.” That exact same fear was inhabiting Zelda’s mind, and she waited anxiously for the answer of the psychologist, hoping it’d give her a miracle solution. The response, however, disappointed her:

“It never really ends, Alice. I’m sorry to say so, but you’ll always have setbacks, some nights you might have nightmares and some days you might still feel as you felt when the rape happened. However, knowing how to work through these emotions will make things better”:

Zelda let out a sarcastic scoff unintentionally, which she instantly regretted as all the eyes fixed upon her.

“Do you want to say something, Zelda?” Dr. Charles asked her. “You’ve been awfully quiet today…”

“Erm… I… I’m sorry… I just… what is the point of this if _it never really ends_?”

“It never ends, but I assure you it gets much better” Elaine said, and most of the mortals nodded in agreement.

“Do you feel like your therapy sessions haven’t been beneficial?” Dr. Charles asked her.

“I mean… I would suppose they have.” Zelda admitted. “I just with it could all _magically_ go away".

“Well, yes, Zelda. But there’s no such thing as magic. Only hard work”. Yes, it seemed that magic for Zelda wouldn’t help her much in dealing with her trauma.

“Zelda, what happened to you? If you feel comfortable of telling us” Alice asked. Zelda blushed and her mind raced through all the things she could and would say.

“I…erm… my husband.” She paused, _always looking for the right words, always trying to soften the horrors endured_. “My husband… raped me repeatedly during our honeymoon.” There, she said it. To all those unknown women. To all those women who had been sharing their personal hell with her. To all those women who _knew_ and _understood_ what she was talking about. “And it’s been almost two months and I feel **so tired** of feeling _powerless_. And I feel **angry** at myself for not fighting more and for feeling impotent. So, I’m sorry for my scoff, I just… it wasn’t your fault. I just… I feel trapped, important and I don’t want to feel like this all of my life. I’m just so, sooo tired.” Zelda finished, suddenly realizing just how much she had shared―she had never planned to be so straightforward with her feelings.

“It’s good that you are sharing all these feelings with us, Zelda” Dr. Schmidt said. “Again, what you are feeling is perfectly normal. But perhaps some of you would like to tell Zelda of your experiences?”

Suzanne, the survivor whose story had impacted Zelda at the beginning of the session, rose her hand. “What I would say to you, Zelda, is that letting emotions out is good. Don’t bottle them up. If you need to cry or scream or… I don’t know… break things or punch something…” Zelda smiled, tearfully, and Suzanne continued: “Honestly, the feelings of impotence and anger are the ones that took the most time for me to work through, and I think the best way was to let it all out”.

“If I could tell my experience with those feelings” Elaine offered her advice, “for me it was good, yes, to let it all out, but it was also good to keep a journal to write what I was feeling, and I also took up painting”.

“Artistic expression is very useful, yes” Dr. Charles started, but then took a look at his watch: “Oh, I’m afraid that’s all the time we have. I’ll see you all on Thursday in group therapy, and most of you on individual therapy. Good work everybody”. He then started clapping, to which everyone followed. _These stupid rituals will be the end of me_ Zelda thought.

As the women rose up to leave, some of them came to Zelda to welcome her and congratulate her for her courage of speaking out. Elaine also had some nice words for her: “You did really well today, Zelda.” The witch blushed a little.

“Thanks” Zelda said with honesty.

“Look, group therapy is sometimes a bit weird. To hear all these stories, all these women in different stages of their recovery… it can be tiring sometimes. But it _does_ get better, I can’t say it enough”.

“I’ll have to take your word for it” Zelda said, smiling back.

“Also, here’s my telephone number” Elaine gave her a little card, “if you wanna talk to someone who’s not a shrink, but who’s been where you are, give me a call. Some things not even family can help you with. So, call me. Any time, I mean it. Even at 3am.” Elaine’s smile was contagious.

“Thank you, I really appreciate it”. _I can see why Sabrina likes these mortals so much…They are not as bad as I thought…_ “Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked, still with a bit of suspicion.

“I guess you remind me of me”. Elaine simply said. “I didn’t want to talk or get help… I thought therapy was useless and all I wanted was to forget… And when I first came here, a woman helped me. I would call her, we would share our experiences, talk for _hours_. Therapy is great, but that woman saved me. So I want to pay it forward.”

“Well, I appreciate it”

\------------------------------------------

When Zelda got back to her house, she felt a bit more able to breathe, as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Before Hilda sked, she told her:

“I don’t wanna talk about it. I talked too much today… But I will tell you this: mortals? They’re not _that bad_.”

Hilda smiled at her. This whole ordeal would at least serve for her sister to have a better understanding of their interactions with mortals. Maybe Zelda would be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! 
> 
> This chapter was a bit longer than anticipated, but I wanted to try to portray group therapy in a realistic way. 
> 
> I don't know how much longer I'll go with this fanfic, but I still have a couple of ideas that I want to write about. And, as always, I appreciate your comments and suggestions! :)


	7. Setbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Recovery is not a straight line, as Zelda finds out when she hears some important news.

The silhouette looking at her from the mirror was an unknown person. A vessel of the woman she used to be. Careful not to look at her scars and burns for more than a couple of seconds, Zelda slowly dressed herself with her own hands: the immediacy of a spell sometimes grazed her skin, triggering some unsettling memories. No, sometimes spells were not the answer, as she was discovering from her therapy sessions. It was precisely to a therapy session that she was preparing to go, although she was dreading it this time. Well, not that she ever felt excited to go to therapy but today… today was especially hard. She had, of course, as always, a nightmare that startled her and woke her up earlier than she’d hoped. But no, she was getting used to the nightmares―that wasn’t what was making today a harder day than others. It had happened when she woke up, around four a.m., she’d gone to the kitchen to get some whiskey, when Ambrose and Prudence apparated. The visit surprised her, and she anxiously asked them for updates on Faustus.

“We almost got him. He escaped before we could catch him. We’re getting closer though, Auntie. We’ll capture him any day now”.

_Any day now_. As much as the prospect of serving justice felt like a way of gaining some peace of mind, it also terrified her. The past few weeks she had spent them replaying horrible memories… thinking about revenge? Not so much. And now…now she had to start thinking of many things she just didn’t feel like having to face. She had spent the next couple of hours uneasy, not having even finished her alcohol, walking around the kitchen―memories of the Caligari mixing with images of possible outcomes of revenge.

By the time morning broke, she was as much of a mess as when her nephew and Prudence had left. The news had struck a chord with her and all the progress she believed she had made in therapy seemed to have vanished into thin air. Therapy… maybe _more_ therapy was the answer. She went upstairs to get dressed; Hilda having already gotten up―she had her room for her own.

And there she was, looking at the stranger reflected in her mirror. She had big bags under her eyes, and the scars that never got to heal completely spoke to her in silence. They told her of the horrors she had lived and would never forget; and they reminded her of the perpetrator who created them in the first place. Yes, if scars could talk, they would advise her on her revenge. Still, gazing at them long enough was too painful. The blouse that just covered them didn’t erase the last few flashes of the torture from her mind. Faustus approaching her, Faustus maliciously smiling at her before he penetrated her with force.

Zelda closed her eyes and shook her head, as if the movement could erase all the images dancing in her head. When she got up from the vanity table, she felt a wave of nausea come from her stomach to her throat. She hadn’t felt as anxious as she was now since a couple of months back, when the spell had just broken. The sudden urge to vomit made her sweat. Unlike when she was under the Caligari, this time Zelda had no physical barrier to throw up, so she rushed to the bathroom. When she came out, Hilda was waiting for her outside, with worry in her eyes; she must have heard her and figured out what was going on.

“Are you okay, honey?” Hilda asked, with a softness in her voice that contrasted with the hoarseness that came out of Zelda’s mouth:

“Yes, I’m fine, Hilda. Don’t worry.” Zelda forced herself to smile, which, considering how she was feeling, came out more as a grimace than as an actual smile.

“I heard you vomit” Hilda decided to go to the point―something he had been learning to do with her sister ever since the spell broke. “Did you have a particularly bad nightmare today?”

“No…” Zelda started, decided to tell her sister the truth, but the sudden flashbacks of the honeymoon replaying in her mind caused her to lie, in the hopes that putting a stop to the conversation would end the visions she was having. “I mean, yes. The nightmare was particularly real this time. I’m going to therapy to talk about it. I wasn’t planning on going today but… I need it.

The answer satisfied her sister, who didn’t press her to continue. Zelda was grateful that she could just leave the conversation there. She smiled, took a deep breath, and went downstairs with the clear intention to go to therapy. Images and sounds were galloping in her mind as she made her way out of the house. _Dance for me, wife_ , tears started flowing from her eyes, _open up your legs_. Breathing suddenly became hard, she was suffocating. She stopped right outside the front door, where she had thought to cast a spell to go to therapy. She sat down on the stairs, as she was hyperventilating―the voice of Faustus clear as if he was standing in front of her, ringing in her mind. _I’m going to kill you, Zelda_. She couldn’t breathe, everything around her was turning black, cold sweat was dripping down her forehead… She tried to remain calm and concentrate on her breathing, but the flashbacks that flooded her head were overwhelming. Everything went black.

\------------------------

When Zelda came to, she was on her bed, surrounded by Hilda and Sabrina. The moment she opened her eyes, niece and sister exchanged concerned looks as if silently negotiating who was going to break the silence. Hilda decided to do so in the end:

“Hi, Zelds. You had us worried sick” she smiled softly, her voice soft and calm, almost a whisper. “How are you feeling?”

“What―what happened?” Zelda was disoriented―she didn’t remember how she had ended up in that situation. Sabrina and Hilda looked at each other, puzzled.

“We were hoping you could tell us that, Auntie. We found you unconscious on the front door stairs…”

“Oh…” Zelda was lost for words.

“Honey, what do you think happened? You seemed upset after you went out of the bathroom, but it didn’t seem as if you were going to faint…”

“I… how long was I out?”

There was a pause, Sabrina and Hilda hesitant to tell her. Zelda saw the looks that her family members were exchanging, and she asked again: “How long…?”

Hilda sighed: “You were out for four hours, Zelds.”

The news surprised her, but she just nodded, taking in the information.

“What do you think happened, Zelda?” Hilda asked again.

“I don’t know…it’s been a while since I last slept well. Maybe it was just exhaustion”. Zelda ventured.

“Yes, maybe that’s what it was” the explanation didn’t fully convince Hilda, but she decided to let it slide. Her sister needed to rest, not to fight her. “Why don’t I go down and cook up some dinner, huh?” Zelda couldn’t bear having some food in her stomach, but she saw it as an opportunity to have some alone time.

“Okay” she conceded. “Sabrina, why don’t you help her?”

“Help aunt Hilda cook?... you know she can use magic…?” Sabrina didn’t want to leave her aunt alone. However, Hilda understood Zelda’s plea and took their niece by her shoulders.

“Let’s give your aunt some privacy, Brina” Zelda gave Hilda a grateful look, to which Hilda nodded in understanding.

\------------------------

Finally alone in her room, Zelda took a deep breath. While she couldn’t remember exactly how she had fainted, she knew what had caused her to do so. The prospect of having to face Faustus Blackwood had set her back on her recovery. She cried silently at the thought of how much improvement had just vanished, at the thought that it was all gone. Allowing herself space to cry, she relaxed a little bit. She decided she wouldn’t tell Hilda nor Sabrina just how close Ambrose and Prudence were from capturing Faustus. She also decided, however, that she needed to talk to somebody. And, since she had already missed therapy session, she thought that calling Elaine could be a good idea.

Zelda got up and appeared outside the house, to be certain Hilda wouldn’t interrupt her with dinner while she was speaking to the mortal. The witch opened the mortal telephone device and dialed the number Elaine had given her. Her heart raced as the dial tone rang.

“Hello?”

“Elaine?...Hi…it’s Zelda. You told me I could call you so…”

“Zelda! Hi! How are you? I didn’t see you in therapy today…”

“I…uh…I couldn’t go” Zelda was hesitant: what was she even doing talking to this mortal anyway?

“Are you okay? Do you wanna talk?”

“Hmm… Yes, I… that’s why I called. But… I mean… if you can’t then, that’s fine.”

“No, no, no. Of course, I can. Do you want me to come over to your house or do you want to meet somewhere…or just talk on the phone?”

“I… uh… phone’s probably fine”

“Okay. So, how are you? You didn’t answer when I asked…”

“I… don’t know, Elaine. I…”

“Did you have a setback? Some painful flashbacks? Did something happen?”

“Uh-huh. I got some news today that upset me.”

“What sort of news? Medical?”

“No. No. Not medical, no.” Zelda paused.

“So…? What kind of news?” Elaine asked again.

“I don’t… I don’t know if I ever told you that…”

“What? You can tell me anything, Zelda”.

“My _husband_ ” that word still hurt, but Zelda couldn’t utter Blackwood’s name, “he was never caught. He ran away”.

“Oh. No. You’ve never told me about him, really. No. So…”

“So… I was told by the police” _her_ police, Ambrose and Prudence, “I was told by the police that they will get him any day now.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“Terrified, honestly”. Zelda wanted to cry but contained herself. “It was… a rough day today”. She added.

“Sorry to hear that. Do you want me to come over and maybe talk over some coffee or something?”

“Erm… I don’t know. I…uh… Okay”. Zelda regretted agreeing for Elaine to come to the Spellman mortuary, but she felt that maybe having her would help her get through the day. She would have to explain her presence to Hilda, but Zelda was sure her sister would understand.

“Great. You live in the mortuary, don’t you?”

“Yes, that’s right. Could you… could you come a bit later though? My sister is cooking dinner…”

“Sure. Does 7.30pm sound okay? Or is it too late?”

“It’s fine. I’ll see you then.”

Zelda hung out before Elaine said anything else. She teleported to the kitchen, where Hilda and Sabrina were finishing up cooking dinner. The apparition startled Hilda for a second, but she was glad to see her sister strong enough to use spells, a rare occurrence these days.

“We’re almost ready here” she said with a smile.

“It smells well” Zelda said politely, making Hilda’s smile bigger.

“You okay, Auntie Zee? You look as if you had something on your mind” Sabrina asked.

“Erm… I do… actually. A… friend… a _mortal_ friend from therapy is going to drop by later” Sabrina and Hilda exchanged surprised looks, which Zelda was getting tired of. She justified herself: “she was worried because I didn’t go to therapy today. I hope you behave and keep magic away from her”.

“I didn’t know you liked mortals, Auntie” Sabrina started, “it looks like all the Spellmans love mortals after all”

“Hah” Zelda scoffed. “It’s not a question of loving mortals, Sabrina. But this woman… is actually quite nice and she’s helping me deal with the PTSD from the rape. It’s not that I have many other options than to talk to mortals to deal with this whole thing, anyway…”

“And we’re proud of you for that, Zelds” Hilda said, happy to see her sister getting help and becoming more acceptant of mortals. “We’ll welcome her with open arms” Hilda smiled.

“Thank you”. Zelda felt slightly more relaxed. “And, please, give us privacy”.

“Whatever you need. Now, let’s have some dinner”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you like it! :)


	8. Elaine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elaine shows up at the mortuary to offer her help

Elaine didn’t take long to arrive to the Spellman mortuary. The tall house stood somber and quiet in the dead of night. The sight sent shivers down Elaine’s spine, as if presaging a raging storm. She had never been to the mortuary before and the mental image she had formed contrasted starkly with the reality in front of her. Of course, she didn’t expect it to be too flashy, but the gloom emanating from the building made the mortal a bit hesitant to get in. _But it’s Zelda, I want to help her. I_ need _to help her_. She took a deep breath and calmed herself down. Passing next to the gravestones, without looking at them for too long, Elaine arrived at the door.

……………………………

Inside, Zelda was pacing restlessly, regretting having called the mortal for help. Hilda was sitting, looking at her sister, silently understanding Zelda’s struggle. She didn’t want to break the concentration, the stillness of the moment, but, most of all, she didn’t want to say something that might trigger a horrible reaction from Zelda.

The older Spellman wasn’t paying attention to her sister’s glances―she just needed to keep focused, to think what she would tell the mortal She continued walking up and down, up and down, up and down… She breathed in and out, in and out. The repetition keeping her calm, focused.

“I don’t know why I called her” Zelda broke the silence, with a feeble voice.

“You wanted help, Zelds. Help that we can’t give you.”

Zelda seemed content with the answer. “I… I am so tired, sister. So, so tired”.

“I know”

“Will it ever stop?”

Hilda smiled, pity in her eyes―a familiar sight these last few days. “It will, honey. You’ll see”. Although Zelda didn’t fully believe her, she accepted her sister’s answer.

Some minutes passed in which none of the Spellmans spoke. They just looked at each other with understanding eyes, hands held. The community between them made silence speak volumes. There was no need for telepathy, they understood everything they wanted to say just by looking at each other’s eyes. It was a peaceful moment, a bit of quiet in the storm that Zelda’s day had been. Zelda knew how much her sister was hurting from all the pain that was amassing within the Spelman household. From all the pain she was creating. But in the silence that united them at that moment, Zelda knew Hilda accepted her unspoken apology for all the suffering she felt guilty of having caused. It was a magic moment in which no magic was involved.

The peace was interrupted by a timid knock on the door, that brought the Spellmans back to reality. Zelda stood up, took a breath, and a quick look at her sister, as she walked to the door.

When the older Spellman opened, the sight of Elaine, tall and elegant as always, made her blush for she felt guilty of having made her come to her aid. The mortal, however, didn’t seem bothered. She smiled as soon as she saw Zelda’s face and stretched her hand.

“Hello, Zelda. How are you?”

Zelda shook her hand and decided not to mince her words:

“It wasn’t a good day today”.

“I’m sorry to hear. There will be some bad days and some good ones”

“Huh-huh. Oh, please, do come in” Zelda led Elaine to the kitchen, where Hilda had just started making a tea.

“Hilda, this is Elaine. Elaine, this is my sister, Hilda”

Mortal and witch exchanged pleasantries and Hilda took her leave, not before adding:

“I just put a kettle on, so you have something to drink. I’ll give you some privacy now, but I’ll be upstairs if you need something”

“Thank you, Hilds” Zelda was grateful for having such a caring woman as a sister.

As if Elaine was reading her mind, she said: “Your sister is great”

“Yes, she is” Zelda smiled.

“So, will you tell me what happened today?”

“Well, I told you on the phone. I… uh… I received news about my husband and… it upset me”.

“Upset you, how?” Elaine pressed, making it clear that she wasn’t going to beat around the bushes.

“It… it triggered me” Zelda started, trying to find the right words to explain the events of the day.

“What sort of things did it trigger? Did you have flashbacks?” Elaine sipped at her tea.

“Erm… it was a compilation of things. I… had flashbacks, I heard his voice, I couldn’t breathe and I passed out.” Zelda finished, and she, too, took a taste of her sister’s tea, which had magically cooled down.

“Oh, wow. I’m sorry to hear that. I think I had one or two of those while in recovery”

Elaine confession surprised Zelda a bit―she hadn’t thought that Elaine’s rape could even compare to her ordeal. She felt guilty about her arrogance, guilty for thinking that what Faustus had done to her was worse than anything any mortal might have lived through.

“Can you tell me what happened to you?” Zelda asked, cautiously, but with curiosity.

“Sure” Elaine paused for a bit, probably reliving the worst moment of her life, Zelda thought. “It was around three years ago. I was coming back home from a bar… ha! You’d think it was a PSA or a made-for-TV-movie”

“I don’t think anything like that” Zelda reassured her mortal friend, still feeling a bit guilty for her arrogance.

“Well, thanks. I did think I was stupid for walking back home all by myself, drunk, at night… I no longer feel like that, but it took me _so_ long, _so long_ , to understand it wasn’t my fault” Elaine smiled at Zelda. “Anyway, as I was saying, I was coming back home, it was late at night… and it was cold. So I decided to take a shortcut, through an alley. I don’t know if they had been following me or they just happened to be there…I… uh… well―they grabbed me from behind and… before I knew it they had me pinned down, unbuttoned my jeans and… well, they each took turns to rape me”.

“How many were there?” Zelda asked, taking in the details of Elaine’s account.

“Four”. Elaine nodded as if in acknowledgment of what Zelda was thinking. “It… it was rough. And painful. I… the drunkenness left me the moment they reached for me. They all took turns, as I said, and they beat me, and they spat on me. They insulted me and they said I wasn’t even worth killing” Zelda remained silent, not finding the right words to respond. “You know, I think you know the feelings of guilt, of shame, or anger, that this event caused me… I think you’re feeling them right now, but it does get better―I got over those emotions”

“Did you…” Zelda cleared her throat. “Did you tell anybody afterwards?”

“I told my best friend. She took me to the hospital, I was beaten up pretty badly…―but other than her… no, I didn’t tell my family for a year, when I started going to therapy. That’s why I think it’s good that your family knows and is helping you work through it” Elaine took Zelda’s hand into hers.

“Did they ever catch the men?”

“No. I never reported it. It’s one of my biggest regrets. So, again, it’s good that you did report it, and even if today was a bad day, because it triggered you and it was awful, even if today it might seem like a horrible idea, it’s _good_ that you reported. It’s _good_ that the police are about to catch him. It will give you some closure. You’ll be able to move on”. Zelda nodded silently. She truly hoped Lilith would give her strength to get that closure Elaine was telling her about. The thought of finally getting her revenge shot a tear down her cheek. “It will get better, Zelda. Today was just a bad day. There will be better ones.”

“It just seems I lost all the progress I had made”

“You haven’t lost anything―this is not a straight line. Everything you’ve been working on during therapy is _not_ lost. It might seem to you it is, but it is not, I assure you.

“I’m so tired, Elaine. So, so tired”

“I know”

“It’s just… I feel like the Zelda I was is dead. She no longer exists. It’s like a corpse. I miss the old Zelda”

“The old Zelda is probably gone. This event has changed you, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. The new Zelda is stronger, and better. You will find a way to get the best qualities of the old Zelda back, combined with new elements of a wiser, more knowledgeable Zelda. A Zelda who, in this healing process, has learnt many things about herself”.

Elaine’s words had a profound effect on Zelda, who didn’t expect the mortal to agree with her about the death of old Zelda. The panic and pain which had been the note of Zelda’s day were giving way to a feeling of realization, an admittance that things might go wrong, but they were not the end of it. Just like the moment of peace she had had with Hilda, this moment with the mortal was soothing the shaken soul of the witch. If the moment with Hilda was perfect, this was close to being perfect too. Elaine’s words of experience were more useful than anything her sister, well-intentioned though she was, could say to her.

However, perfection didn’t exist in Zelda’s life: the moment Elaine finished speaking, Ambrose apparated right in front of them.

“Auntie! We found him! We’re getting him!”

Elaine’s complete shock transformed her face into a grimace. Zelda’s eyes widened in panic, while Ambrose realized he had made a terrible mistake. Elaine quickly got up, dying to leave the household as soon as possible. Zelda acted out of instinct, reaching for Elaine’s arm, shouting “Please, don’t leave! I can explain!” Of all the options that ran through Zelda’s mind―erasing Elaine’s memory, putting her to sleep, playing with her perception― she decided to be honest with her friend. Elaine had, after all, shared with her the most private and intimate details of her life, and Zelda couldn’t see herself playing with the mind of her friend, the same way Faustus had done to her. “Please” she pleaded, and something in Zelda’s eyes convinced Elaine to stay.

“I don’t know how… but you’ll have a lot of explaining to do”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! I wanted Zelda to be completely honest to Elaine, so that's what's about to happen in chapter 9. 
> 
> Suggestions, comments and kudos are welcome :)


	9. Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zelda explains Elaine the magic world, and receives an unexpected visit.

“I will leave you two alone, so you can talk. I’ll tell Auntie Hilda and Sabrina the news.” Ambrose departed swiftly, eager to escape the awkward situation that was becoming palpable in the kitchen.

Elaine sat down, in silence, her eyes fixed on Zelda, a serious look on her face. Zelda waited a few seconds, as if hoping Elaine would break the tense silence. When that didn’t happen, the witch ordered her thoughts, sighed, and started explained the unexplainable:

“You see… what my nephew just did was a spell, an apparating spell. We, the Spellmans, we are witches―well, my nephew is a warlock, of course”.

“I… I don’t even know what to say…”

“We cast spells, and make potions, and we’ve been around for centuries”

“You…?”

“Uh-huh, I’m almost three hundred years old”

Elaine’s shock at that revelation did not stop her from continuing her interrogatory:

“How―how do you get your magic? Do you learn it or is it innate?”

“I’d say both and neither― we get our magic from our devotion to Sat…to Lilith” Zelda quickly corrected herself, although she realized she’d have to explain the downfall of the Dark Lord to contextualize everything. “But our devotion only does not necessarily grant us magic, we are born with it as well, and we learn to control it and develop it at the Academy of Unseen Arts. When we turn sixteen, we sign our name on the Book of the Beast where we pledge our soul to… well, it used to be to Satan, but it’s not like that anymore. But signing on that books provided us with full magical abilities”.

“What happened?” Elaine’s curiosity started to wash down the fright and shock of having witnessed magic firsthand.

“It’s a long story, but Lilith, the first witch, the demoness―she took over Hell and now we― _I_ have to rebuild the Church, for we have been following the same misogynistic rules for centuries. My husband―the one who… you know, my husband. He was the High Priest of our coven. I married him to gain a better position for me and my family, as we were straying from the path of Satan. He’s gone now, or maybe not, as my nephew just told us, but since he left, I took over the position of High Priestess”.

“So now you have to start the whole church from scratch?”

“Not completely, but, well, mostly, yes. I’m waiting for Lilith to talk to me, to give me some answers, but she must be busy, trying to contain the demons in Hell. She hasn’t appeared to me for a few weeks”.

“I guess it must be frustrating” Zelda looked at her friend and smiled, this was one of the things she liked about Elaine: even in the tensest of a situation, she worried about her and her feelings selflessly.

“To be honest, it has been a bit of a relief―having something to worry about, other than…”

“Than the rape”

“Yes”

“Was that―did it have to do with magic?”

Zelda took in a deep breath. Elaine seemingly was taking everything quite well, and the fact that she’d made the connection between the honeymoon and magic without her prompting it spoke volumes of her perception about and openness to the world she was now discovering.

“Yes.” Zelda began, agitated, for finally being able to confess the _whole_ story without having to mince her words and control everything said. “Yes. He used what we call a Caligari spell”. Her voice broke at the mention of the name of the spell, a word she hadn’t pronounced out loud in a while. Elaine took it as a cue to ask Zelda concrete questions, in the hopes of making it easier for the redhead to open up to her: “What does the spell do?”

Zelda appreciated the gesture:

“It’s an obedience spell. It’s torture, really. Quite an old dark magic. It places you under the complete control of the spellcaster, you are conscious the whole time, but can’t do anything unless commanded”.

“So when you said you were tied…”

“I wasn’t physically tied. Or, well, at least not with ropes”.

“How long were you under the spell?”

“About a week and a half. As you can imagine, he commanded me to do many degrading things… But I think the worst part was that I couldn’t say no or say when something was hurting me.” Zelda swallowed hard. “That enabled him to be as physical as he wanted―and I couldn’t refuse”. At this moment, as if wanting to prove her point and emphasize her honesty, Zelda flicked her fingers and lifted the glamour spell covering her arms and neck. Elaine’s eyes widened in shock.

“You’ve never shown me”.

“Not you, not anybody. My sister, of course, has seen them, although she’s never mentioned them”.

“And can’t you…? Maybe this is a bit insensitive… can’t you cure yourself with magic?”

“Yes, and I have, but some of these scars were too deep, the magic too strong―I haven’t been able to cure the wounds without leaving scars”.

“I’m sorry”. Elaine, for what seemed a first time, was left speechless, ruminating the information she had just received.

“Some of them are getting better, with time” Zelda said, trying to sound hopeful.

“It’s just… this whole thing… this feels too much. Too much information for me to process. I’m sorry I can’t be more helpful”.

“I know it’s too much, I know, I know. I wasn’t planning on telling any mortal about my world, and about the spell and why my experience isn’t comparable to yours.”

“Well, I think some things have been comparable to my experience, haven’t they?”

“Yes, don’t get me wrong” Zelda realized of the impertinence she had just said. “It’s just… some things… are just not the same. Like, for instance, I can’t talk to the police”.

“Your nephew… he said he was bringing someone…” Elaine made the connection.

“He, well, I’m guessing not him, but my step-daughter, Prudence, is bringing Faustus, my husband, here. For me… or for Lilith… to judge and execute”.

“You’re going to kill him?”

“If Lilith finds it adequate… What else could I do?”

“Zelda, I know you’d love nothing more than to kill him and make him suffer, but I don’t think that’s the answer”.

“I _need_ to have my vengeance. To gain control of my life back.”

“Look, I know I never reported my rape. But if I found them today, in front of me… do you know what I’d do to them?”

“What?” Zelda took the bait.

“I’d forgive them”.

Zelda raised an eyebrow in disbelief. “Would you, really?”

“Yes. I know not much time has passed for you. But I assure you, I’d forgive my rapists because I can only feel sorry for them― that their lives are so empty they have to hurt someone to feel something. The truth is, I pity them, and I am _better_ than them, I’m over it and I am past it. If I wanted them to suffer, I’d be at their same level. I would be just as bad as them, and I’m not. And I know you _are_ better than him. So, don’t do it, don’t kill him.” The plea in Elaine’s eyes resembled that in Zelda’s a few minutes ago. The words had a profound effect on the witch, who suddenly questioned her clear course of action.

“I… I’ll have to see what Lilith has to say of the matter”.

At the mention of her name, Lilith appeared in front of them, in the form of Mary Wardwell, which Zelda thought was a favor not to spook the mortal more than she already was. Her presence startled the witch, nonetheless, as the demon hadn’t appeared to her in weeks. She bowed her head, as she was sitting down. Lilith couldn't help but notice the scars in her High Priestess's arms and neck.

“You wanted my advice, High Priestess? Please, raise your head”. 

“Faustus Blackwood is about to get captured. I don’t know what to do with him”.

“What do your guts tell you to do?”

“I wanted to kill him, painfully. But Elaine here is suggesting that I don’t and… I… at least she’s made me reconsider my position”.

Lilith took a look at the mortal, while she explained her position to Zelda: “Faustus Blackwood is a rat… he shouldn’t take more than a few minutes’ thought. As long as he pays for what he’s done to the coven… to _you_ , I will accept the punishment of your choice”.

Zelda realized that Lilith must have heard her all the sleepless nights, praying for answers. The silence received had discouraged Zelda for days, but she realized now that her recovery journey had to be hers, not Lilith’s. The demoness's refusal of help to decide Faustus’s fate further emphasized the agency the goddess had bestowed upon her. Previously, the Dark Lord would have commanded her to do his will, which would have been easier, but probably not as satisfying. The change of pace was refreshing, while scary at the same time.

“But… my Queen… what should I do?” Zelda insisted.

“I told you, whatever to make him pay”.

\---------------------------------------------------------

The sounds downstairs served as an alarm for the rest of the Spellmans to apparate where the action was happening. Faustus Blackwood, former High Priest of Greendale, had entered the Spellman kitchen, dragged by his daughter, who magically held a crib with Judas and Leticia, while keeping him enchained. With pleading eyes, Blackwood looked at Zelda, who had stood up for the occasion―but those eyes didn’t inspire anything in the High Priestess.

“Zelda, I…” He was magically silenced.

“You are not allowed to speak” Zelda said, firmly, although inside the nerves were consuming her. Elaine squished her hand discretely, reassuring her.

“What will you do, High Priestess?” Lilith asked. “What… will you… do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! We're nearing the end of the adventure, but of course I appreciate your comments and suggestions, and maybe prompts for future fanfics! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	10. Trial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trial against Faustus Blackwood takes place at Zelda's hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! I have been traveling these past few weeks and it has been impossible to post the ending chapter before. I hope you like it!

The small Spellman kitchen felt too crowded for Zelda’s liking, so she instructed the makeshift jury for Faustus’s trial to go to the cemetery. It felt more fitting for the witch to go outside, get some fresh air, all the while vengeance could be found in the company of the spirits of the deceased. The dim moonlight could also cover her scars, Zelda thought, for she didn’t have time to cast a glamour spell in the midst of all the action. Everybody left the kitchen except for Elaine and Lilith, who probably didn’t feel in the same category as the witches and warlocks the High Priestess had command over. Demoness and mortal looked at her in silence, waiting for Zelda to address them.

“Let’s do this” was all that the witch managed to mutter.

Elaine grabbed her by the arm before she could leave the room and pleaded: “Don’t become like him, you are better than him. Don’t kill a man”. Zelda merely looked at her with eyes lost in the inner world of her thoughts.

Lilith, however, took the witch by the hand and reassured her: “You do what you think it’s best, High Priestess”. Zelda smiled faintly and proceeded to lead her two supports outside.

When the three of them arrived at the cemetery, everybody froze, looking at the witch, who seemed as calm as ever. If only they knew how Zelda really felt! However, she had promised herself not to show signs of weakness ―not in front of the people she cared about most in the world… nor in front of Faustus. No, she couldn’t bear the thought of appearing weak and faltering in front of the man who had hurt her so profoundly, who had taken advantage of her and seen her in her weakness state. No: right now, she had to be the strongest one, for the moment. She could be weak later, alone, in her room. But now she had to right the wrongs inflicted upon her and her coven. She cleared her throat, attracting everyone’s attention. With a wave of her hand she created a makeshift stand onto which she climbed.

Everybody looked at her with huge expectation in their eyes. She took a minute to observe everyone: Prudence, still holding her father prisoner with fire in her eyes; Ambrose, with the Blackwood twins in his arms; Sabrina, with tears of rage streaming down her youthful cheeks; and then there was Hilda, her lovely, pure Hilda, who was looking at her with concern in her eyes, waiting for the difficult decision her sister had to make. Lilith and Elaine made their way to join the others. The demoness smiled maliciously, waiting to impart the punishment her High Priestess decided upon. The mortal, however, had distraught eyes, surely thinking that Zelda wouldn’t pay attention to her words of advice.

The High Priestess knew she had to break the silence, but she couldn’t find the right words, nor to order her thoughts. She took a deep breath and started, with a trembling voice at the beginning that she corrected swiftly:

“We are here tonight in representation of the Church of Lilith, and the Greendale coven. In other occasions I would have desired this trial to be of a more public caliber, but the gravity of the crimes committed by the accused compelled me to act with a higher immediacy”.

Zelda looked at Faustus Blackwood in the eyes. He had a worried expression, but a smirk on his face. Deep down he knew he deserved the highest form of punishment― and he was expectant as to what a powerful witch like Zelda would do to him. Zelda continued:

“Faustus Blackwood, present here in front of us, committed the highest form of treason against the coven: he poisoned and killed more than half of the witches and warlocks of the Church. He cowardly escaped, taking his two children with him, putting at risk their safety and wellbeing. He conspired to kill, and did so, the former Anti-Pope of the Church of Night. He readily prepared a new doctrine which would oppress witches. His actions put everyone in the coven in grave danger… But more than that… he committed crimes against _me_.”

Disdain filled Zelda’s eyes, as she looked at Blackwood while saying those words. In the beginning, Zelda hadn’t thought of talking about _the honeymoon_ , but as she was preparing the punishment mentally, she decided that adding that part would justify her verdict further. Her face blushed a little as she started narrating the myriad of crimes committed against her, for she knew there were people at the trial who hadn’t quite witnessed her suffering and sleepless nights.

“Faustus Blackwood is a misogynistic warlock who can’t stand powerful witches. Well, too bad that your judge today is one.” Zelda flicked her fingers and a light illuminated her so that her scars, that she had wanted so hard to hide in the beginning, were fully visible now. She heard a small gasp coming from somewhere in the public. Her marked skin served as the best defense against her husband.

“The man who stands accused before you used a Caligari spell against me―some of the results of which you can clearly see on me” she pointed at her own body before continuing. “While I was under the spell, he stripped me of my will and independence. He did whatever he wanted with my body while torturing my mind.” She hesitated for a second before verbalizing what had been running through her mind: “He raped me and beat me and tortured me. His crimes have affected me, personally, and the Church, indirectly, for I haven’t been able to concentrate as I wanted on the new doctrine”. Zelda prepared for a second before continuing.

“Faustus Blackwood’s crimes are plenty, the witnesses are mostly here. The defendant is not granted permission to talk on the grounds that he is dangerous and could cast a spell. And also…” Zelda added, “he did not allow me to speak willingly while he raped me, so I do not feel he should be allowed to speak now.” She looked at everybody before explaining her verdict: they all seeped as expectant as before.

“As High Priestess, I have reached a verdict: Faustus Blackwood, I find you guilty of all charges, including high treason. Now, the punishment for treason is… _death_.” Elaine flinched as she heard the word, Zelda saw, but she continued: “However, I consider that death would be too humane a punishment, so I have thought of something else.” She turned to see Lilith: “Queen Lilith, almighty as you are, please fulfill the punishment I will now tell you of.”

Lilith smiled and said: “Of course, High Priestess, whatever it is, it will be my pleasure.”

Zelda then proceeded to explain what had come to her mind, after having talked to Elaine: “Faustus Blackwood, I hereby sentence you to lose your magical powers and get your memory completely wiped out so that nothing magical remains in your head. I also sentence you to be deported far away from Greendale and I **curse** you to never set a foot in Greendale again. Lilith, you may proceed with the punishment.”

The solution seemed to satisfy everyone. Well, everyone other than Blackwood, but even he seemed content enough to have seen Zelda in action as a just and firm leader. Lilith executed the sentence with ease, happy to finally punish the man who had hurt her High Priestess so badly. Elaine sighed in relief of having avoided the execution of a man. Hilda also seemed quite proud of her sister, who, in her view, had made the right choice. The younger audience seemed to be quite content with the result, although Zelda could tell that they would have wanted to see Faustus die for his actions.

Once Lilith was done, and Faustus was deported to far away lands, everybody seemed to let out a breath they’d been holding up. Zelda looked at everyone and dismissed them to their rooms, or, in the case of Lilith, Hell, and of Elaine, to her house. Tomorrow would be another day, after all, and a brighter one, probably, for the threat of Faustus had been destroyed. She took the twins with her to her room, and for the first time in a long time she felt she probably wouldn’t have trouble sleeping that night. Maybe, just maybe, things were going to be okay. 

THE END.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!!!
> 
> This was my first fanfic, and I truly hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it! The comments and kudos you've given me have been a source of inspiration and I cannot thank you enough for leaving so much positive feedback. :)


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